For My Younger Self

Saturday 24 March 2018 marks my twentieth birthday. Twenty years in this world. Twenty years of happiness and heartbreak, laughter and tears. Who would have thought it would go so fast? When I was younger I always used to imagine what my twenty year old self would be like. Will she have long hair, or will it be short? Will she being daring, and caring? Will she fall in love with herself, with life, with the world? Will she laugh everyday? Will she be strong? Will she be brave enough to hold the world in both hands? Will she be brave enough to stand up for herself, to stand up for others, to stand up for what's right? Will she find happiness in the little things; a sunny day, laughing with friends, singing along to her favourite songs? Who will she be?

Becoming who your younger self wanted to be seems, well, unrealistic at times.  Life is full of expectations, and as you grow up expectations become saturated by peer pressure and judgement. Social norms change, quickly, until suddenly life is like a river and some people aren't quite strong enough the swim against the current. Some are. When staying true to who you are and what you believe doesn't always feel like the right thing to do, trust me, it is. I'd like to think that I've learnt a lot about this from my parents over the last twenty years. "If everyone else jumped off a cliff, would you do it too," are words that are usually uttered every time I question myself. When you're young, sometimes that seems like the only option, but as I continue to grow, each day the answer becomes more and more obvious. Don't follow the crowd. Trust yourself. Be fearless, be courageous, be unapologetically you. Love yourself unconditionally. 

I've been lucky to have grown up in an environment surrounded by people that have believed in me when it seems like no one else does. To have found best friends, supporters, fans and motivators in those around me. Life will always be full of ups and downs, but these people are what make everything worthwhile. Nothing can every be perfect until you accept that it's not. Perfection comes in the form of the twinkle in your eye, your crooked smile as you laugh once more to a joke you've heard too many times and your ability to see the world not only for what it is, but for what it can be.

With every blessing comes hardship. Don't hate the people that think they have torn you down, for they have built you up and you are stronger than before. Don't hate rumours or lies, for they have taught you that life will not always be fair, and people will not always see the truth. Don't hate those who have hurt you, for they are the ones who are hurting the most. But never forget. Never forget the hurt and the lies that have brought you here. Never forget how you stood as strong as the greatest tree in the forest, that has grown so tall because of all the rain that pours down on it.

Know how to stand tall, but also know when to walk away. When you believe in yourself and believe in the truth, people will believe in you. If they don't, don't waste your time. Find the right time and the right place to let your voice be heard, and even if your attempts are in vain, know that you tried. Trying brings about two outcomes; success or failure. Be proud of your successes, and be grateful for each time you fail. This will build you higher. 

And trust me when I say, to my younger self, you would be proud of who you are. You would be proud of how brave and kind you have been, even when the world has not been kind to you. You would be proud of your crooked smile and your sometimes silly laugh. You would be proud of your ability to speak up for yourself and for others. You would be proud of how strong you are (although mentally more than physically - keep working on that upper body strength). You would be proud of all the beautiful people in your life, and everywhere you go happiness radiates from you like sunshine on a warm Summers day. You are now as you were then, but stronger. You don't need to weather the storm, because you alone are a storm in yourself.

Until next time,